RPG Communication Breakdowns: What to Do When the DM and Players See Things Differently

It’s one of the hardest things for any DM to handle: What do you do when the way you see the game and the way the players see the game is no longer in sync?

You describe something as super dangerous, and a PC runs up to give it a hug — then the players get angry when it attacks them. Or the players come up with a plan, but when they try to execute it, the actions they take work out more like the Keystone Cops than Seal Team 6. Or the tough, henchmen-level bad guys seem too hard, and players start accusing the DM of cheating for the outcome they wanted.

This is no academic discussion. One of our own games is suffering from miscommunication, and it’s not fun. Can it be saved? Can yours if it’s starting to see some of these same issues?

Listen in as Thorin, Tony and Dave dig into the miscommunications issues their games have had (and are having) and talk about why it happens, where it leads, and what can be done to try to save it.

2:00 “The world is this way.” “No, it’s not, it’s this way.” What is a DM-player communication breakdown?

4:00 When the “super-rare” power you were warned about shows up in the first adventure

8:00 The psychology of D&D: How the game reads behind the screen and to each individual player is vastly different

12:00 Reader question: How to handle recklessly naïve PCs who keep trying to make friends with things they should run from

• 16:00 Demanding very-low DC insight checks to give players a final warning
• 18:00 Embracing multiple fail states to allow a negative outcome that doesn’t destroy the party
• 20:00 The smackdown encounter the party can easily escape from
• 22:00 Give the rest of the party an opportunity to intervene
• 24:00 You COULD decide the outreach works in a way that fits your game world

25:00 Do you want to adjust the world to fit your player’s understanding/assumptions/mistakes?

29:00 “You didn’t have to do that!” When the NPCs do something the players really dislike — and they reject it

35:00 What do you do when an NPC ruins the players’ fun? What if it ruins the DM’s fun?

38:00 Is the DM getting blamed for the PCs having different goals?

41:00 The interrogation that went very, very wrong (And how much power should a tied-up NPC have?)

49:00 When players start to feel like they don’t have agency and you’re just pushing them around

53:00 How do you try to fix communication issues that are becoming toxic?

55:00 Did you step on a player character’s big moment?

57:00 The Power of Ghatanothoa: What do you do when you reveal the power of the big bad, and players don’t (or refuse to) recognize it?

66:00 How often do you ask the players what they’re enjoying or not enjoying about the game? Or if they understand what’s going on?

73:00 It’s just a game: We bring ourselves to our characters and our tables, and in 2020, that can mean extra strain on the group

80:00 Reader question: How do you deal with players who don’t provide character backstories?

86:00 Final thoughts