The “forever DM” is a stereotype as old as roleplaying. The idea that one guy in the group gets roped into DMing and never gets to play has spawned a thousand memes, YouTube videos and TikToks. But as we discussed in our most recent blog, a lot of players actually want to DM – you just need to help them see why it’s fun.
And you can’t do that if you’re busy playing the DM martyr.
We didn’t get too deeply into this topic until late in the podcast, but it’s worth examining and looking for the signs of it in yourself as a DM.
The Dark Secret DMs Don’t Talk About
Here are some dark secrets about DMing that you may be playing into without realizing it:
- DMing does make you feel powerful
- You are doing more work than the PCs (most of the time, and by a lot)
- It can make you feel smarter or better than your players
- That all contributes to a feeling that you’re the only one who can DM, and the other players should be a lot more grateful to you for doing it.
I’m not saying every DM feels that way, but the seeds are there, and they tend to manifest as an attitude like this: “I am so put out to bring this game to you all, it took a lot of work, but you wouldn’t be able to play without me.”
And of course, this is self-defeating. Because when you make DMing look like it’s not fun or too hard, you discourage other people from trying it and you never get to play on the other side of the table.
As the DM, as the guy who brought the table together, you should be encouraging your players to tell their own stories and step up to DMing themselves if they want to. And the great thing is, if you do that, you get to play in those games yourself and see their creative vision come to life. That’s very gratifying and a lot of fun.
6 Ways to Help a Promising DM Make the Leap Behind the Screen
If you want more of your players to try DMing, or just want to stop DMing like a wet blanket, here are a few tips:
- Show your players that DMing is fun: Don’t act like you don’t love doing this – or if you don’t love it, pass the baton to someone else. Show that you’re having fun at the game and let them see why the DM’s side of the screen is a whole different experience.
- Be grateful that your players want to play an RPG with you: A lot of would-be DMs have a hard time finding a group. Thank your players for playing in yours. Try to show them that you appreciate it, especially when they put up with your foibles.
- Look for players with their own stories to tell: The core of DMing is storytelling, and often the best DMs have their own stuff percolating before they get the chance to run it. Keep an eye out for players showing those signs.
- Be the first one who wants to play in their game: One of the hurdles for new DMs is feeling like they’re displacing the big guy, the current DM. Let them know not only that it’s OK to run a game un the group but that you’d love to play in it. Be their biggest supporter.
- Help however you can: Every DM has things they’re good and bad at. Experienced DMs know how to lean into what they do well and paste over what they don’t. New DMs don’t know how to do that yet and tend to make a big deal out of their mistakes. So help them with those parts. If they’re not up on the rules, volunteer to be their rules reference. If they have a hard time managing all the monsters, maybe you can run some as they get used to things.
- Be the player you’d want to have at your table: Perhaps the best thing you can do for a new DM is to do your best to be a good player, the kind of player you’d like in your game. Follow the DM’s plots, engage with their NPCs (and not the random goblin they obviously had to name off the top of their head), help drive the plot forward and do interesting things in it. That’s the best thing you can do for any DM, but especially for a nervous newbie.
So, if you find your players aren’t leaping up to DM, whether you want them to or not, think about what you’re making the DM side of the table look like. Because it’s only going to look as fun as you make it.